Those round things....

Ya know those round things on the intake of a drag car, those are neat. I remember Gene Snow pumping starter fluid into those flaps to get the Funny Car started. That wasn't the only reason I went to the races every weekend in the early 70's.

End of the year.....

After only 53 years on this planet, I have taken notice of the many lines on my face. I'm not sure if this is just an age thing or an old fart thing. Anyway, thanks for hanging out with Rick and I, we had fun.

Hey, I grew my chin hair for the release of True Grit.......neat ain't it?

Now I gotta find an eye patch. Later.

*Photo credit: Sean Ryan

Fleece Navy Dad, Ya'll

From all of us here at Moonpie, in the spirit of the holidayS, we once again shamelessly steal some shit from somewhere else and pass it off as our own.

But here's the link to where this card came from and we recommend you go there for all your future ecard needs. someecards.com

a very merry solstice\christmas to the christians and the pagans!

How we met...

Janet and I were at the St. Marys County Fair were I was doing community service. Wow, what a day!

Jobs we've had

see more Gifs

Rick played in the NHL for several years until a crippling waffle addiction made it impossible for him to go on.

What's a Canadian farm-boy to do?

My daughter, the 'pin-up'

My daughter, Ryan, was at the tattoo convention in Richmond, Virginia several weeks ago and ran into pin-up artist Dave Nestler. Ta-daa, now she is the model for this sketch you see here. I'm so proud, thankfully she has clothes on.....

You can google Dave Nestler and see the rest of his works....not bad.

Visiting Blane: Still Later

Hungry from their earlier escapades, Vance and Blane head off to a local restaurant. Blane still hasn't quite gotten the hang of parallel parking.


see more Gifs


Parallel, Blane. Not perpendicular. Parallel.

Visiting Blane: Later that same day....

Not to be out done by his little brother, Vance feels compelled to show off....


see more Gifs

Visiting Blane

Vance sent me this video from his recent trip out west to visit Brother Blane. Apparently the wives had gone off shopping and, well, Blane just wondered about this big blue ball....


see more Gifs

You know, the more things change, the more they stay the Blane.

WTF is that?!!!!

see more Sketchy Santas
No. Seriously. WTF is that thing?! And is that guy on the floor dead?

Vance's first time as a Santa

Me and Vance ditched Tim Burns' art class at Eldorado in the winter of '76 to hustle up some cash from unsuspecting strangers. He didn't have a real beard, so we took Vance's long golden locks and stuffed them in his mouth.

This kid wasn't buying it.


see more Sketchy Santas

Nonetheless, we made enough to buy two bagels, a quart of Schlitz, and some strawberry rolling papers.

Blane even got a job...

One year Blane got a job working with us. He lasted about 3 minutes -- the amount of time it took him to get on the uniform and say "I Quit"....

see more Sketchy Santas

Big brother Vance, in his role as Santa, looks on in disgust. "Now I see why you don't hire your relatives" he said.

Ex-Wives #82

I met Peggy Sue at the same store I was working as a Santa's Helper.


see more Sketchy Santas

She seemed like a nice girl and was mostly armless. She had that winning smile and those coquettish eyes. And talk about a a fashion plate! Gosh! She bought all her clothes where we worked. But she was a little pigeon-toed and wore orthopedic shoes when she wore them at all. (She was a simple country girl who'd grown up in a little holler near the Hanford Nuclear Plant). Nonetheless, if she'd had a flat head we'd still be married. Well, we'd still be married if it hadn't have been for those meddling kids and their magic mushrooms!!

Jobs we've had

Then there was the year we got jobs as department store Santa's Helpers.

see more Sketchy Santas

I'd have kept that job, too, if it hadn't have been for those meddling kids and their magic mushrooms!

Number two in a series of holiday wishes

see more Sketchy Santas

We hope we're not in the big book.

Oh, who are we kidding. We KNOW we're in the big book.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas...

Hoping everyone has a great Christmas from the East coast Moonpie staff, (that would be Vance). Rick also hopes that everyone everyone West of the Mississippi river has a great time as well.* What a friggin year....I've never been so broke in all my life. Thankfully, money isn't everything, (sure, we believe you), and I plan on having a great December and super New Year. Thanks to everyone who has stopped by for a look and a laugh. The Moonpie Chronicles is in for some changes in 2011. We have no idea what that could be....perhaps a return to the Moonpies humble beginnings. Maybe we'll give away a new BMW or Mini Cooper, maybe not. Just stay tuned and again, thanks. Peace.


* I have no idea what Rick thinks....just typing out loud.

I totally concur with what Vance said. (RIck) Also my eyeballs are bleeding from not nearly enough sleep.

Know your dogs

I'm rather fond of dogs, you know. Especially labs. There's just something about their lovable easy-going nature -- for the most part.

I never really knew the difference in the different types before -- and I'm assuming, neither did you. So as a public service, I'm presenting this handy chart for you to tell them apart.

What mushrooms did she eat video fixed

Let's try that again. This one has acar commercial at the beginning, but otherwise seems intact

Ex-Wives #58

Vance's marriage to Vanessa didn't last too long.
Not because of any drug use, on her part, but just because she had a tendency to go deep-sea diving in the living room carpet -- and she could hold her breath for a long time! Sometimes she wouldn't resurface for days, and there she'd be, wedged between the fridge and the kitchen counter.

The thing that is unclear in this video is why she suddenly decides to pull the bathing suit out of her ass after all that time.

Today's post is brought to you by the number "H" and the letter "pudding"

And so do we, little bug-eyed freak. So do we.

This is actually a photo from my baby-book taken about a half-hour after I was born. I'm not sure what the doctors were planning for me, but after I scampered down the hall and out the door, it was far too late.

And Don't Call Me Shirley: A Real Funny Guy (and a Fellow Canadian) Gone.

Leslie Nielsen could deliver a comedic line with a straight face better than anyone. His role in the spoof film Airplane remains a classic in low-brow high-comedy.

Leslie was 84 and apparently died of pneumonia.

How we wuz den, dere, eh, Buster?

I'm guessing this photo is circa mid-1980s, judging from the fact that I have hair and there are two hair band guys above me.

44th CMA Awards...

Rick and I are so proud of the fact that we were nominated this year for our song "Momma get off the stove, you're too old to ride the range". We wrote this song in 1975 after a night of listening to the Watermelon Mountain Jugband and my mother and her friend Eve had a few too many drinks. While at the 'after-party' at our house, mom was caught singing while standing on the stove. Eve just smiled and kept throwing beads at mom. Rick and I went out back to smoke a doobie......I was so embarrassed. Tragedy again leads to greatness.

Restore what?........

Rick and Vance couldn't make the festival to "Restore Sanity" in DC this last weekend so we sent these two in our place. Among the hundreds of party-goers, a 70 foot bus made up as a dragon and tons of half dressed women, the city was alive with sights and sounds. Actually, I was in town with a co-worker and we followed this group for about eight blocks through D.C.. There was the dragon bus followed by the Hemp van, a DC cop and then us in our F&F Landscaping truck. We waved as we went along the parade route. I dig D.C.

In keeping with my amanita muscaria theme of posts. (It's all I can think about)

Finally, the last two saved in Chili....

Thank goodness, the last two miners were pulled out of the mine in Chili. The last two were American workers who were on an exchange program to study mining in the region. Rick and Vance from Albuquerque, New Mexico, who have spent many hours in mines in New Mexico wanted to study the practices "down south". "We thought it was a good idea at the time", said Rick. Vance added, "every time I go in these mines, something fucks up."

The two vowed NEVER to venture into a mine again. "I'm never going any further than my own backyard," said Rick. "Look, I have this great backyard that has all that I need to survive. F... Chili. I'm not going back."
"What he said," Vance later said.

Life in Albuquerque, New Mexico

When Ricks parents moved to Albuquerque, the first thing they noticed was the wide open spaces. And that was just outdoors....
When they bought their first house, they were amazed that the 1,010 square foot house seemed much larger than it looked from outside.

Rick later went on to sail the families sofa around the Southern Cross and then Northwest to Catilina.

Brush with fame...

My cousin Kelly just won the Miss Teen Rodeo for the State of Florida for the 2011 year. Good for her. I know, that side of the family got the looks and we got, well, not the looks. I haven't seen her for about 14 years....she looks like a Rodeo Queen to me.

I know this has nothing to do with Moonpie foolishness but I just had to tell the world.

Tony, see ya later...

Rick and I were good friends with Tony. An amazing trick since we were only 11 months old at the time. Good bye old friend.

Cars we've had...

Ben Zimmerman helped me convince my parents that it would be a great idea to to purchase two of these cars (neither one ran) and make one car out of the mess. I bought both cars for $200.00 bucks and made the four speed a running car in one week(Ben did the wrenching) and $150.00 bucks later. Wow, I was so happy. I now had my own version of a Mini Cooper, American Style. Mine was a cool Burgundy color and of course I had to "get tunes" installed ASAP. Kraco installed for $39.00 and away we go....

Two weeks later the engine locked up and I threw a rod or something and the car was dead. The foreign salvage yard out on South Eubank paid me $200.00 for the pair and he towed them to his yard.
Two weeks of fun, out a couple of hundred dollars and a good time was had by all.

Another failed blog site...

As mentioned, this site just "hit the dust" and is no more after today. After the initial glee of being on Moonpie with Rick, I thought I might venture out on my own with something a litttle different. Cadillac Ranch and Muffler Shop was only different in one way: it had no visits, no followers and 0 comments. In other words, a failure in epic scale. I should have known, you can't do better than Moonpie. I will go sit in the corner for an hour now.


I did like the background.....

Post script: In my own defense, I tried to use this blog to direct others to Moonpie. My last post on this blog was March of this year featuring the Moonpie Gang and I did have a link to The Moonpie Chronicles. Oh well, back to the business of the "Pie".

The VOX blog has shut it's doors. This was my header for my Cadillac Ranch and Muffler Shop blog that was very short lived. I've tried to copy and paste the home page but the bastards won't let me. I'll fix them.....I'll take a photo of my computer screen, download the photo, make a new post for Moonpie and add the photo.....

oh screw it. You can only have one love. I'm sorry Moonpie.

Warning....

A warning to all those who find breast offensive....

the next three posts feature breast as they were meant to be viewed. Perky and what-not.

Required Fall fashions.....

All women are now directed to purchase an outfit like this for the Fall season. You will not stay warm but the guys will be heated up. And who doesn't like the idea of missiles* flying all around? And with this outfit, you do not require oxygen in space. How cool is that.

*Missile-tit bras are "the bomb'.

Books, I don't get it

Rick has had a book in his hand since the day I met him. I'm not kidding. This dude would read while walking and talking to you at the same time....I don't get it. Maybe I'm one of the unfortunate souls who never learned to appreciate books the way Rick does. Hell, he would even spend hours, weeks, months and years writing books. I'm happy for him, I really am. Maybe I'm not seeing the same thing in books that Rick does...

Ya hear that.....it's almost October....

The fall Ales are about to surround us and Octoberfest is right around the corner. Praise be. Cool weather, beer, busty women and what not.....who dosen't like October? Rick and I have been known to hoist a few drafts in our day and won many free drinks for cheering the band the loudest.

*Moonpie thanks Hawtness.com for the photo. I just can't remember when they took this photo of me when I was a girl for two months in 1978.....I got better.

Just a little warning......

Just wanted to let you know that we're not too "Family-Oriented" this week. So if you're under 30 and/or a conservative republican, you might want to go somewhere else for a while.Unless you want to look like Flounder McDakkenly here, don't scroll down.


Oh, also, don't look to your immediate right.

Reader's Mailbag

I apologize in advance for the graphic nature of one of the photos in this posting. It's gross, but I can't imagine anything that would illustrate my point better.

Q:"Why don't you guys ever run pictures about Conservative Pundit Glen Beck? He's the dreamiest!" ~ Mr. Geoffrey Lam Sung, Phx, AZ.

A: Dear Geoff, the primary reason is because Beck reminds me of the following tattoo...I mean, really people. We can all turn away from this photo and say, 'that was disgusting in a not really very funny way. It's bad enough knowing this tattoo exists. Do we really have to be shown it?' This is how I feel about Glen Beck.

Q: Mr. David Luigi of Albuquerque New Mexico asks "Hey, If you guys are so smart, why you don't live and work in Memphis anymore?"

A: I'm not sure. But I bet there's a pretty good reason.Oh, Yeah. That's it.

Until next time, folks. Oh, and don't be a mailbag.

Correction

I received more mail from myself about the preceding email than I have at any other time in the history of the previous ten thousand seconds about the... ummm... the uh.... Right. I mean from time to.... did you see that? The animals in the middle of the... yeah... that's what I thought....

Likewise, Cost Plus Warehouse's lawyers have asked me to inform you the the following is not an accurate representation of their Amanita Muscaria-shaped marzipan candy treats.

Jobs we have today

You know, not a day goes by (Hell, sometimes not an hour) when someone doesn't come up to me on the street (by which I mean either interstate 25 or 40) and try to ask me what Jim Jones is up to these days. Now, I'm no speed demon, but I am doing the posted 65pmh on our highways here, so I really don't have much of an opportunity to answer these people. And quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of cleaning their teeth off of my sideview mirror. So people, for the love of God, stop it. Ditto for you hordes of monkeys that gather in my backyard late at night waving torches and little tiny marzipan Amanita Muscaria mushrooms. At least I think it's marzipan. I'm not quite sure how monkeys would get marzipan Amanita Muscaria-shaped mushrooms. I mean I know where they would get it. They have it all the time over at Cost Plus World Market, along with the lucky "pig shitting a gold coin"-shaped marzipan. I just don't know how the monkeys are getting them. They probably all have Cost Plus World Market credit cards, but how do they get there? In cars? I don't think so, pal. A monkey's feet can't reach the freakin' pedals!

So, anyway, Jones is still running around Albuquerque. Most lately he's been doing his famous renditions of Elvis tunes in the aisles of the Walmart on Carlisle.
So next time you are shopping there, don't be surprised if this guy pops up behind you in the dressing rooms crooning "Hunka-Hunka Burnin' Love" into an Amanita Muscaria-shaped marizipan microphone.

Don't be surprised. Just run like hell.

Brothers.......

This weekend the wife and I visited Colorado to see my brother Blane and his wife Karen. The two of them are a perfect pair. She is beautiful and smart while he is the average Joe who doesn't even know how to put soap in the dishwasher. Thanks for having Janet and I out to visit.
I'm proud of my brother, he's done well.

Brother Blane.....

Brother Blane was pissed that he missed the first shot. He promptly added another shell and shot his truck for no reason at all. "I thought it was Bigfoot."

He later told his wife, "Vance made me do it."

Back to the real deal...

Nothing sums up better than this headline. The old gang was the "Real Deal"

My trusty Chevy Luv truck was there to see it all, and more. This is my New Mexico pose that begs the question, "Hey, how are ya?" Which is Navajo for "Hey, how are ya." Me....I gotta a pie in my eye. Peace.

Inter-County Connector....

We finally started landscape this last week. 7 miles of road to go. Completion date: 11/11/11.

Jobs we have today...

Working in the Washington, DC area has some cool perks. Crawling all over the Monuments on the Mall and parking damn near anyplace you want comes to mind. Then, there are those days in August that are so friggin' hot that it just isn't fun. Today was one of those days. We had installed 200 trees for the Smithsonian at the National Zoo in December 2009, and now they wanted a map of where the trees are located. So the foreman and I walked the Zoo for 4 hours documenting the condition and locations of all the trees. You can tell by the sweat under my man-boobs that this day kicked my ass. I wanted to jump in this fountain, I didn't care WHAT was living in there!

Billy the Kid...

Did you ever do all the wrong things for the right reason?

Did you ever have friends that would do all those things with you?

Did you ever appeal to the highest authority that you could think of?

Did your deeds ever end in a way that you could never imagine?

Good. That would mean only one thing, you lived life on your terms. Some would call you an outlaw, others a hero. It doesn't matter if you are a flight attendant on Sky Blue or Billy the Kid......at least you did it your way.

Bikes and cars we had...

I bought a Suzuki for $700.00 that had been wrecked by some dude and his mother said, "get it outta here." The friggin' thing was a screamer!

Ben Zimmerman had a Mini, (a real one) and on occasion he would throw me the keys and said, "see ya later." Too much fun for a dude like me.....a wonder I never wreaked this car.

And Jones returned from the Navy, driving from San Diego to Albuquerque in a MG (not the MGB you see here) and promptly blew two transmissions and abandoned the car. Amazing the number of cars and bikes you go through in your life and most are simply forgotten. Not our rides.