Thank you....

With little fanfare, Rick and I would like to say 'thanks' for stopping by Moonpie. We have now exceeded 25,000 visits to our lame blog. Not bad for a couple of old, weird dudes with a sense of humor and a couple of spare hours a week to share this nonsense with you guys.

I want to say thanks to Rick, Martin and Jones for being the catalyst and a starting point for this to begin back in 1975 and then to the Web several years ago.

Back to the real deal...

Nothing sums up better than this headline. The old gang was the "Real Deal"

My trusty Chevy Luv truck was there to see it all, and more. This is my New Mexico pose that begs the question, "Hey, how are ya?" Which is Navajo for "Hey, how are ya." Me....I gotta a pie in my eye. Peace.

Cars we own now

Infrequent (as in never) contributor Martin Maskill (at left)sent this photo a while back and I haven't had a chance to post it. In the past, Vance and I have posted cars that we have owned over the years, including some of our current rides. I think we've got another shot of Martin with this car (or another VeeDub) somewhere else on the site.
Here is what Martin has to say about this outstanding ride.

The true story is, that this was the last of 4 or 5 bugs that G.E.(stepfather) restored. When he passed in 06, Mom told me to take it home......so thats where it is, with me at home.

It was completely stock, when I got it, but felt the need to "Matinize" it. Completely new front end...narrowed / lowered front beam with disc brakes up front. It takes a lot of stopping power once you get the VW air-coloed motor wound up!

Nice work Martin! This would have been a much better machine to have at South Eu (instead of the Pinto!)

2500 vistors and counting...

The accounting firm of Skipjack and Paddywhack has just informed the Moonpie staff that they have now gone over 2500 visitors to the "Pie". Vance was notified at work and said, "this is a dream come true. I never would have dreamed that two balding, pot bellied guys could attract the masses." Rick was unavailable for comment, a spokesperson said something about a sorority bash. Martin and Jones have not been reached for comment at this time. Vance continues, "This all started as something for Rick and I to pass the time, but now we must ramp this puppy up a notch or two. We have an obligation to make people smile at themselves."

"I check into Moonpie just before I go to bed every night." - L.L. Cool Jay

" I laugh my ass off reading this shit." -Prince Charles

"I read everything." - Sarah Palin

Hey, we are just having some fun in a goofy world, stay tuned and thanks for looking in on us.

Peace- the Moonpie Staff.

Dazzel 'em with bullshit...

There comes a time in every ones life when they realize that they missed their calling. People tend to flounder around searching for some meaning to life. This search will take them to many strange places and introduce them to strange characters. But not our boys! They knew exactly what they wanted and they reached for the stars with the forming of their band "The Furious MacDads." They played to packed garages all over the Heights in Albuquerque and loved the chicks. The band ended up splitting over creative differences, Martin demanded the "pink" stacks because they would match his "guy liner" but Jones would not give them up. The band lasted 12 weeks.

Martin...enough said.

Martin has had many styles and interests over the years. Starting in the '70's.

Martin joined all the animal groups decades before it became fashionable and hip.

Martin even had some identity issues for a spell but was a hell of a stewardess and Extreme skateboarder.

All this to say...welcome back Marty!

Martin: Then and Now

We are often asked -- generally by haggard-looking women with a string of fluffy-headed children -- what Martin looks like now, and where he might be found.

Here is Martin as he looked in 1976, and as he appeared recently on television.

Moonpie One: Pages 23 and 24

We've gone almost the month of March without a single post of actual pages from the Chronicles. My bad--I am the one with the damn books. I've been busy cranking out my Senior Honors Thesis these past few weeks and haven't been posting as much as I'd like. But here goes....

Pretty simple here. When last we left off, I had just gone off to the army. The time between Page 21 on the last posting and page 23 on this one is about a year and a half.

What happened to Moonpie in that time? Much of it was written down in letters between me and Vance. I don't know that any of them still exist. We used to have a big envelope full of them. Each time they got passed back and forth between us, a few more got lost.

Anyhoooo... On the left, we have pictures of David Lewis and Martin leaping off of something. Notice Martin's skiing form. David is showing off his bare-midriff sweater look. Something that never quite caught on.

Below that photo. Martin shows off his alpha-male status by standing on David Perkins shoulders. (Vance -- please remind me who Perkins was and where he came from. Memphis?)

On the next page we see a postcard that I sent to Vance. Above it is written "Raab-Faber Memorial" It's a panel from Duc du Berry's "Tres Riches Heures," which, as far as I know, doesn't mean the Three Rich Whores. I've drawn a little cartoon balloon from one of the monks that says "Who's got the roach?" Ha ha ha! Get it? Because he's a medieval monk? And he's making a 20th century drug reference? That's rich.

Well, I did a little bit of whaddayacallit, archival de-restoration here. The back of this postcard saw light for the first time in 32 years. I did tear it a little, but no harm done, and it was all in the name of science.

Go to the next post -- which you probably already read by now, for the image and a transcription.

Be cool, man. Just. Be. Cool.

I got a laugh out of this when I ran across it today. It reminded me of cruising around in a car full of stoned teenagers.

I remember, back in the day when my Karma was still a bit better than it got, one night of driving around smoking dope. Now, we invariably had one of those situations where a cop was behind us and we all peed our pants.

On this particular night, Jones and I were in the back seat of -- I think -- Alan Schactner's Mustang. At that time (just prior to the Deniston's induction into the group,) Jones and I were the only ones who smoked dope. We had gotten down to the roach and.... I guess I should go back a bit and explain something else. See, back in those days, you could buy a "five finger" bag of pot for $10. (AKA, a "lid" or a "dime bag.")Calculating for inflation, that is about $40 in 2009 dollars. Not a bad deal for some dope that, rather than fucking you up, got you off. This was pot that would have you laughing and happy. The point was that for that money, you could afford to throw away the roach. We generally didn't, because we had cool roach clips to use, but we could.

On this evening, we were all high, Jones and I from smoking the joint, and Martin and Alan, from being in the car with the smoke. We were driving along Juan Tabo near Montgomery. I tossed the roach out the window and it landed... right on the windshield of a cop car. The cop pulled up along side us and rode even for about two blocks. He never looked at us. I don't know if he just didn't see us or what. I about peed my pants.

The thing is, when you are that stoned and looking at impending arrest, there is no way in hell you can act natural.

To this day, I about pee my pants when a cop is behind me. It doesn't matter how legal I am acting. I drive along imagining all the things I might possible be pulled over for.

I forgot where I was going with this. Look! A chicken!

Jobs We've Had, #37 in a series.

Martin and Jonesy joined Vance and I for one early album. We were trying to cash in on the whole Funk scene. Jones sang a funk version of "Splish Splash! I was Takin' a Bath," effectively sending us directly to the remaindered bin at Woolworth's.

I'd totally forgotten this album until I was surfing through the LP COver Lover website. I've actually been going through this site for the past several hours and, it is totally cool/hilarious. From cool jazz and hot bossa-nova acts to kids records and Giant Beehive Christian groups, it's got them all. It's blog-style and you can vote -- and even add your own cover art.

Martin retires..

Martin has done what no other member of the "Moonpies" gang of four has ever done, retired. Martin has spent the last 25 or so years in the airline industry. First as a baggage handler for Texas International and then Continental, I think. He then joined the Navy and went to 'Airframes and power plant school and emerged a mechanic. He accepted a early-out option with Delta Airlines in Atlanta and is on his way 'home' to be near family out west in Arizona. He has already landed a job with another outfit heading up the maintenance division for their aircraft. Well done, 'Margo'. I helped Martin move to Denver from Albuquerque when he went from 'TI' to Continental and we had one hell of a ride to Denver. It had just snowed and there were some flurries along the way. The trip is 448 miles to Denver and we always laughed that, "it's all down-hill to Denver, the 'Mile High" city". (Abq. is several feet higher than Denver). Martin was in his Toyota Celica Fastback and I was driving my trusty Chevy Luv with Martins shit in the back. Well, just past Santa Fe the roads were covered in 2 to 3" of snow. Martin took the lead and I was right on his bumper at about 70 mph. The right lane was fairly clear of snow but the other lane was covered completely. Martin would move to the left to pass other cars and I followed as if I were being towed by Martins car. Whoa...nelly! We both would get a little sideways and then correct ever so slightly and fall back into place. Mind you, we never let off the gas pedal. Other drivers must have thought we were crazy....oh yeah, we were! We made the trip in both of ours personal best times on a highway that we had traveled many times, 6.5 hours. For the average guy, the trip is about 8 hours. The photo has nothing to do with Martin, Rick or myself. i just thought it looked funny.

More photos from the archive

My God. I'd almost forgotten that Martin was a penguin. He did grow out of it eventually because of his job with the airline.(Penguins can't fly.)

Moonpie One: Pages 11 & 12

Here we see a totally candid photo snapped of me by Vance. I was walking up to the school (This shot is looking east from Montgomery across Juan Tabo.) I was reading a letter I'd just received from my friend Dave Miletello (see previous entry.)

Fashion Note: It's hard to see in this scan, but I'm wearing a shirt style that was also popular in the day. Some called it a Peasant Shirt, but this was a variant style. It was loose-fitting, with a keyhole collar that had embroidered trim around it. The sleeves, though I had them rolled up here, were very loose. I think it was designed for smoking hookahs or something. Maybe for people who were too stoned to mess with buttons and shit. Also, my mom made this one.

Around the photo, Vance has drawn radiating lines and the legend "The Man With The Fool Inside." Below it is the text:

"Rick is more fool than most. He is going in the army on June 22nd and is along for the ride.He is also co-author of this book and comic artiste extrordinaire."

To which I added "And did some of the photographs.

On the right hand page is a photo of me and Martin. I should note that anytime prior to about age 28 that I tried to look tough in a picture, I ended up looking like a total dorkus.

The text on this page reads:

Martin and Rick here trying to look like two rugged brutes. Good try. Actually, the old lady several pages back, just happened to have a camera in her hands when Rick and Martin pushed her into a gutter. The old lady took this picture when she slammed violently onto the pavement.

Moonpie 1: Pages 9 and 10

Here, Vance has commented before I got back to this page, so that's good. Good.

On the left, we have Martin leaning on the door of the Circle K. I think this is the one that is now the pet store next to Eldorado. The legend below it reads,

"This is Martin, the fool who came up with the idea for the expedition."

. On the right, we get an image that is so typical of the sort of Humor Vance and I enjoyed. I'm not sure who the old lady is. I'm thinking maybe a relative of Vance's -- though the processing of the photo looks vaguely like high school photo lab stuff. Anyway, Vance has drawn ventriloquist dummy lines on her mouth -- similar to Terry Gilliam's animation on Monty Python's Flying Circus. But it's the text below that is so classic. "Lady who had nothing what-so-ever in the least, or in the most remotest way, to do with us. She is probably a fool and therefore in this book. We don't even like her." Again, we had no clue who this was.

Moonpie 1: Pages 3 and 4

(Click for larger image)

On the left here -- the back of the title page -- we see young Martin Maskill. As the text notes,

Martin Maskill [was] the man who sparked the idea*.

Note that this text has an asterisk added, as anabolic steroids were later found in his system. No, wait. That was Barry Bonds. The asterisk was added because Rick never wanted to give Martin full credit.

Yes, Martin sparked something, but Rick thinks it was more likely a doobie that was sparked by the man Jim Jones called "Pissant."

I'm not sure where this photo was shot, though it appears to be someone's house. Vance shot this photo for, I believe, his photography class.

On the rights side of the image, page 4, we see the previously post photo of Vance and I in it's original context.

The text here reads:

Rugged Brutes in search of the good life by ventureing (sic) to Memphis. The Story Begins

The caption for the photo reads: Two of the rugged Brutes. As with the photo of Martin, this one has arrows pointing to the subjects. Did we think people wouldn't know who we were referring to? Below this photo, Vance and I signed our names. Mine uses all the letters of my name, a practice I gave up a few years later when I had to sign it a lot. Beneath mine, at a later date, I added. Contrary to popular belief, Rick is neither Irish nor Russian. This may have been due to the fact that people often thought my name was Arabic.

See the Lexicon for the use of "Rugged Brute."

This is a bad scan the clips off the bottom of the page. I'll redo it at a later date.

The Mangy Moose Magical Mystery Tour

I'll just say a little bit about this photo, then Vance can say his piece.
Vance created this image the old-fashioned way. We didn't have any fancy Photoshop back in those days. This was all painstakingly and meticulously hand-cut and glued. Note the nipples in the headlights, a delightful playing with the euphemism for a woman's breasts.

l to r in this photo are: Tod Deniston, David Lewis, a photo of a naked woman, Vance, me, Blane, Martin, Bullwinkle, and Richard "Clergy" Cleary.

From the Archives

I've been going through a bunch of old computer discs to see what I need to keep and what should go. I've found more from the original Moonpie Chronicles Online site that I was building. Here is a piece I wrote about the origins of the Moonpie Chronicles back in November of 2001 when I was trying to recover from a divorce, the shock of 9/11, and the loss of a really good job with Furr's Supermarkets, which had recently gone tits up. This will be reexamined later

Back in the mid-1970s, I was trying, as Jimmy Buffet once put it, to get by being quiet and shy in a world full of pushing and shove. Having moved to New Mexico from Rochester, New York, I was an outcast from society in general. This, of course, was back in the days before I realized that anyone from east of the Big Muddy were obnoxious vermin no better than a skunk, or at the very least a pesky varmint.

Eventually, I found acceptance through drugs. No kidding. Really. I've always thought that, but just now I realized that half the guys in our little gang didn't do drugs. Well.... That was a real waste of brain cells. It's a moot point anyway, because this is supposed to be about how the Moonpie Chronicles came into being. It was, as best as anyone recalls, about 1975 when Vance D. moved to Albuquerque. I met him through The Kawatiti Kid (AKA Jim Jones, who is a whole other story in himself.)

Vance had come from Memphis. He talked about it a lot and taught us the hip ways of the "Sooooooul Bruthahs."

How to talk: "You fum Maymphee?"*

What constituted classical music: Booker T. and the M.G.'s

How to wear our shoes: You tie the laces when you first buy the shoes and never again. Just mash the heels down and slip them on like clogs.

What to eat: Memphis Soul Food; A.K.A. Moonpie and an RC.
Say what? Moon what?

Vance couldn't believe we didn't know what it was, this classic southern treat. Even Jones and Martin, who had grown up in Plano, Texas hadn't heard of them (in all fairness, I believe that's the heart of Dr. Pepper country). Having the munchies, and no real desire to go to our next class, we took off down to the convenience store to buy some. They looked at us funny when we asked. We went to Circle K, 7-11, Allsup's, Piggly Wiggly, The Donut Shoppe (Pronounced "Sho-Payy") - everywhere. No one had R.C. cola, let alone Moonpies. Every inquiry was met with mistrust, shock, revulsion, threats of police action, requests to buy a joint from us.

Long story short (I'll go into more detail later), one morning, while getting stoned in a storm drain pipe, we were talking again about this elusive treat that seemed to be unavailable in Albuquerque, Martin says "Why don't we just go to Memphis and get some. We were pretty wasted and it seemed like a good idea. Thus was born the Moonpie Expedition.

I happened to have one of those hardbound blank journaling books. We took some magical-type markers and wrote Moonpie across the cover. On the inside we kind or wrote what the plan was, what we were hoping to find when we got to Memphis, fund-raising efforts, progress. We also had photos, drawings and newspaper clippings. The original story was quite short. At this writing that battered volume lies in the hands of Vance, somewhere back in Southeast Maryland. (If I ever get it back, I'll scan and/or transpose some of it and post it here.) I wrote "Moonpie 2", initially in 1979 as I set out to hitchhike around the country. Only portions of this one remain. "Learn How To Pretend" is a rough draft of a novel I've been working on for a couple of years that is based on events that took place just prior to The Moonpie 2 debacle - Ummmmm, I mean, "adventure." There are other scraps here and there. Senseless letters. Photos. We'll see what we can come up with.

* Just to dispel any thoughts of racism here, this was all done with the intent of utmost respect for that culture. We thought it was the shits.

From the Archives

Back in 2001, I began another version of The Moonpie Chronicles Online. This was before cool free programs like Blogger. You pretty much didn't put stuff online unless you paid for it.

I had just taken an HTML class though, and was building the site in hopes of one day being able to post it. I had created a set of icons representing me, Vance, and Martin.

The art had been lost on one of my other computers, but it just turned up again. So here it is in all its glory.

Fashion

As a history note, I wanted to mention fashion in a strictly cool-with-my-heterosexuality sort of way, as well as include a few fashion photos for those of you who were not born yet, but are still old enough to drink, vote, and kill foreigner. But when I looked for 70's fashion on the internet, this was what I found. I'm serious.
I personally don't remember dressing this way.

Wikipedia has this photo of Vance and some chick wearing a "crop top", and this is getting a little closer. Note the lack of a belt on the trousers though. In mid-70s Albuquerque, anyone who went without a belt, especially a wide leather belt with a heavy buckle, would have been found buried in the desert. (The fate for using the word "trousers" was probably even greater.

We stole this family photo one night at a party in the heights. We don't know them, but their complete lack of taste (note the plaid pants) indicates that they were "hip" in the 70s.

Some of us were just a bit hipper than others, as Martin's Eldorado High School yearbook photo shows...

Guys like the fellow in the middle, while denounced as a total homo-wad for his prissy attire, probably got ten times the ass any of the rest of us did.

On the whole, regardless of how we dressed, this was the face all teenage males saw staring back from the mirror each evening....

The 'rents

This is believed to be the only known photo of Martin's parents. It was taken in a Soviet Siberian gulag, moments before his birth.