Thursday, March 11, 2010
(Jesus Christ, Dude! Trim those goddamn nails!)
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Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Rick says "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."
Vance says," I don't know, let's throw something down and listen to see how long it takes to hit bottom."
Rick says "There's an old automobile transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see." So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.
They were standing there listening and looking over the edge when they heard a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turned around they saw a goat come crashing through the brush, running up to the hole and with no hesitation, jumping in head first.
While they were standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walked up.
"Say there", said the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
Rick says "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hundert miles an hour and jumped head first into this hole here!"
The old farmer said "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a transmission!"
Monday, March 8, 2010
Later he got into heroin. I always wondered what happened after that.
Borrowed from Ugliest Tattoos
“SUNDAY!SUNDAY!SUNDAY!!!!!! IT’S MONSTER TRUCKS AT THE BANGLADESH MOTOR SPORTS ARENA!!! SEE THE HIGH LIFTING, MUSCLE-STRAINING INDIGENOUS COMPETITORS BATTLE IT OUT IN THE EVER POPULAR HERNIA DIVISION!!!!!
LET’S GET READY TO SSSSSSTTTUMBLE!!!!!!!”
Another one from There I Fixed It
“Hello ladies. Look at your fan, now back at me, now back at your fan, now back to me. Sadly, it isn’t me, but if you stop using ladies scented body wash and switch to Old Spice, it could smell like he me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your fan could smell like. What in your hand, back at me. I have an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look at it again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your fan smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on a horse.”
I read this last night when I was stoned and I forgot about the commercial it's from and I was so totally confused but I thought it was hilarious.
Totally ripped off from There I Fixed It
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Also Rick adds that your eyes are probably your most important organ when it comes to seeing stuff. They're like really gushy and shit when you take them out.
But, yeah, it's all good.
*Emphasis on "can."