Why Vance left Nebraska

The common practice in Nebraska was to spank children until they promised to grow corn or raise cattle. Vance never really liked the idea of hours in the Nebraska heat working miles of corn rows or the smell of raising cows. Vance ran away at age seven to join Buffalo Bills Wild West Show where he mastered the art of trick shooting. After 3 years with the show, he moved on to painting and writing in New Mexico with the help of D.H. Lawrence. They both became the toast of Santa Fe and threw wild parties at the base of the Sangre de Cristo mountains that lasted for days. One night R.C. Gorman and Vance hot-wired a truck and drove to Albuquerque for a Blakes Lot-A-Burger with green chili. 40 years later, Vance met Rick at Eldorado high school and the rest is history. Rick ended up being some big-time writer and Vance went on to become both Lewis and Clark.

Ever-changing....

In 1976 I looked like this black and white photo. 33 years later I was the 'ol guy with the Jackie Stewart cap and the gut. Today, I am hiding from the Fed's in a undisclosed location posing as 'Donna'. I was able get work as a swimsuit model and have a nice flat that I share with my wife and our two cats. I really enjoy the warm weather and hanging out on the beach. Not drinking was kinda' rough at first, but the tanner I get, the better I feel about EVERYTHING. I'll be out of the country until everything settles down and then I can return to being 51 years old, gray haired and chubby. My new persona is kinda' fun but the wife thinks my necklace looks ridiculous. Actually, I think she's jealous of my hair color. I love it, it's perfect.

Have another one..

Have you ever tried to do something over and over again that dosen't work? Me too. Booze just dosen't work the way it used to for me. I used to drink tons of beer and have my shots and the world was fine. Today, the drinks just turn my head to mush and I'm struck drunk at the whiff of a drink. I guess thats a good thing. All this to say that the 'good' days HAVE to be ahead of me. Stick me with a fork, I'm done. To everybody else, knock yourself out, just be careful.

Saints Preserve Us!

That's what the Chief of Police used to always say on the old Batman shows. An apt quote for today, as I've uncovered some film footage of my first high school girlfriend, Mary Margaret O'Frangipants. We sat next to each other in Typing class and she used to share her onionskin with me (if you get my meaning.)(If you do get my meaning, shoot me an email, because I'm clueless.) Dig this opening scene where we are making love. Quite frankly it's no surprise I swore off dames for the next four years.

Martin retires..

Martin has done what no other member of the "Moonpies" gang of four has ever done, retired. Martin has spent the last 25 or so years in the airline industry. First as a baggage handler for Texas International and then Continental, I think. He then joined the Navy and went to 'Airframes and power plant school and emerged a mechanic. He accepted a early-out option with Delta Airlines in Atlanta and is on his way 'home' to be near family out west in Arizona. He has already landed a job with another outfit heading up the maintenance division for their aircraft. Well done, 'Margo'. I helped Martin move to Denver from Albuquerque when he went from 'TI' to Continental and we had one hell of a ride to Denver. It had just snowed and there were some flurries along the way. The trip is 448 miles to Denver and we always laughed that, "it's all down-hill to Denver, the 'Mile High" city". (Abq. is several feet higher than Denver). Martin was in his Toyota Celica Fastback and I was driving my trusty Chevy Luv with Martins shit in the back. Well, just past Santa Fe the roads were covered in 2 to 3" of snow. Martin took the lead and I was right on his bumper at about 70 mph. The right lane was fairly clear of snow but the other lane was covered completely. Martin would move to the left to pass other cars and I followed as if I were being towed by Martins car. Whoa...nelly! We both would get a little sideways and then correct ever so slightly and fall back into place. Mind you, we never let off the gas pedal. Other drivers must have thought we were crazy....oh yeah, we were! We made the trip in both of ours personal best times on a highway that we had traveled many times, 6.5 hours. For the average guy, the trip is about 8 hours. The photo has nothing to do with Martin, Rick or myself. i just thought it looked funny.

It snowed last night

Well, it really did snow last night. Usually when the forecasters say 8-10", you get 1". Not this time! We got a good snow of about 10-12" in Mechanicsville, Maryland last night. Janet and I spent the day 'digging out'. My first worry was the camper under the metal carport. The metal trusses were bending under the weight of all the snow and we feared the entire thing would collapse. we got the ladder and I pulled as much of the snow off the roof of the carport as I could reach with a garden rake. We also jacked up the beams with 2x4 posts to stop the trusses from bending any further. Now that I've sat down for 30 minutes, I feel the body getting tight, oh Lord, tomorrow's going to be fun at work.

Getting Older Blows Chunks

It really does. Even cartoons of yourself are ancient!

One of my early inheritances from my dad (along with high-cholesterol which resulted in angioplasty at age 38) was gout.I'm not going to go into the big explanation of what it is (look it up you lazy little shits!) but it hurts like hell. I've been hobbling around with that for the past few days. With no health insurance, I've not been able to get the meds for it. Thank god for my wife's Tylenol 3's and a glass of Scotch to ease the pain.

The whole time I'm gimping it, I'm thinking I need to get in shape so that this doesn't happen again. Yeah. Right. Your old, dude. It's not going to get uphill anytime soon.

Or at all.

I broke my glasses the other day, too. I didn't need glasses until I was 45. Now I can't see shit without them. Well, I can. Just not distances or close-up. Presbyopia is the diagnosis. (from the Greek: Presby = Geezer and Opia = eyeballs.)

Anyway, they were broke so I got out the superglue. They work, but they look a bit off.

And I've had allergies too. Nothing to do with getting old. Just sucks.

Paul Harvey, good-bye old friend

We say good-bye to dear friend Paul Harvey. Rick was a early student of Paul's story telling stylings and served as a intern in Omaha one summer with Paul and Gretchen. This seldom seen photograph of Rick and his first typewriter, a gift from Paul, is truly Ricks most prized possession. I phoned Rick upon hearing the news and Rick was so distraught, he couldn't speak. I took it upon myself to post this picture and say a few words. Paul was a gracious man with an even temper and quick with that signature smile. While Rick and I were in kindergarten, Rick would tell me how much fun it was to work with Paul. Rick would fetch endless cups of coffee and often had to take the trolley into town to pick up more 3 cent stamps. The clickety-clack of the type-bars striking the platen of the typewriter was music to their ears and they just smiled at each other, knowing in 1 hour, Paul and Ricks stories would be broadcast nationwide. Paul is know around the world for the phrase, "and that's the rest of the story." But, Rick's hard work and determination was not in vain. Only Rick and I know that Rick made another phrase as well known as the previous "..of the story."

"Page two..." was all Rick. Yep, in August that year during a blinding snowstorm, Paul was frantic 1 minute before air-time because he couldn't find all of his notes. 10 seconds before going on the air, Rick emerged from behind the water cooler and thrusting the lost piece of paper into the air, Rick yelled, "PAGE TWO!"

And now, you know the "rest of the story. Good-day."