Saturday, March 6, 2010

La ropa para la lavadora de los banos.

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Friday, March 5, 2010

Public Service announcements

They're in your neighborhood. Stealing your jobs. Hating your freedom. Freaking the shit out of your kids. Wake Up America!!!!

Frigging knee-jerk sonsabitches! Always wanting to get into a thoroughly inappropriate dick-measuring contest.

What was it the Beastie Boys said? "You got to fight for your right to get old." It's in the constitution, man. Everyday in everyway I'm getting older and older. And my veins are showing. And that shit just skeeves me out, lady.

I can sleep safer at night knowing that anteaters are gonna take care of the Talitubbies....

Today I feel....

Yesterday the increased dosage on my antidepressants finally started working... Oh, yeah. This is how I'm supposed to feel.

WARNING!!!!!!!!! Get the kids....

The fabled "Chupacabra" has been sighted in White Plains, Maryland and has citizens in a panic. Gloria Martinez said the creature was seen in her back yard, "growling and dragging a piece of meat." Ms. Martinez continued, "I was so scare. I take my baby back in the house and get my pistol."
The Chupacabra has been sighted in Mexico for years and more recently in Texas and parts of New Mexico. "The beast attacks sheep and goats and drinks their blood," said police chief Tanner. "If this thing is in the county, we'll get it." The Chupacabra has been very carefull not to be caught or hunted down for many years. There are no real estimates as to how many Chupacabras exist in Central and North America. Tanner went on to tell of his crack pistol team and how NOTHING can get past them. "They have been stationed at the Potomac river and every witch-a-way, this thing ain't leaving Charles county," Tanner said. "We are on it!".

Thursday, March 4, 2010

But, Dad. What about Bob?

I feel like I've been (and am currently) both of these men throughout most of my adult life. Don't ask me to explain....

It's all in my groundbreaking new book. Where is it? Let's see.

Ah, yes. here it is. "Baby Steps."

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

What the...?!

OK. you know that little button up at the top of the page that says "next blog"? And if you click it, it gives you blogs at random? Usually if I do this I wind up hitting a bunch of blogs from Brazil, Hong Kong, or Taiwan. I'm not waxing hyperbolic there. That's how it goes. I run into blogs where I just don't understand their language.

So tonight, being a bit ill with a head cold and so therefore loopy, I clicked on that button.

"And what happened, Bob?"
"I saw God, man."

No, not quite, but the first blog I hit belonged to some youth pastor. Then a parish priest. Then some British Christian guy. And on and on and on. I clicked at least 20 times and every one that came up was a Christian/Catholic blog.

Sometimes I wonder if someone's trying to send me a message.

Then I remember: It's just the anti-depressants talking.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Canada outlasts U.S. for hockey gold. Prime Minister declares "Oh, Hells Yeah!"

Go Team Canada!!!

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide, O Canada,
We stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Now you Quebecois sing it!
Ô Canada!
Terre de nos aïeux,
Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux!
Car ton bras sait porter l'épée,
Il sait porter la croix!
Ton histoire est une épopée
Des plus brillants exploits.
Et ta valeur, de foi trempée,
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.

Let's hear it from the Inuktitut
ᐆ ᑲᓇᑕ! ᓇᖕᒥᓂ ᓄᓇᕗᑦ!
ᐱᖁᔭᑏ ᓇᓚᑦᑎᐊᖅᐸᕗᑦ.
ᓇᖏᖅᐳᒍ, ᐆ ᑲᓇᑕ,
ᐆ ᑲᓇᑕ! ᓄᓇᑦᓯᐊ!
ᓇᖏᖅᐳᒍ ᒥᐊᓂᕆᑉᓗᑎ,
ᐆ ᑲᓇᑕ, ᓴᓚᒋᔭᐅᖁᓇ!

That's what I'm talking about! A record 14 Gold medals!!