Jobs we have today

You know, not a day goes by (Hell, sometimes not an hour) when someone doesn't come up to me on the street (by which I mean either interstate 25 or 40) and try to ask me what Jim Jones is up to these days. Now, I'm no speed demon, but I am doing the posted 65pmh on our highways here, so I really don't have much of an opportunity to answer these people. And quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of cleaning their teeth off of my sideview mirror. So people, for the love of God, stop it. Ditto for you hordes of monkeys that gather in my backyard late at night waving torches and little tiny marzipan Amanita Muscaria mushrooms. At least I think it's marzipan. I'm not quite sure how monkeys would get marzipan Amanita Muscaria-shaped mushrooms. I mean I know where they would get it. They have it all the time over at Cost Plus World Market, along with the lucky "pig shitting a gold coin"-shaped marzipan. I just don't know how the monkeys are getting them. They probably all have Cost Plus World Market credit cards, but how do they get there? In cars? I don't think so, pal. A monkey's feet can't reach the freakin' pedals!

So, anyway, Jones is still running around Albuquerque. Most lately he's been doing his famous renditions of Elvis tunes in the aisles of the Walmart on Carlisle.
So next time you are shopping there, don't be surprised if this guy pops up behind you in the dressing rooms crooning "Hunka-Hunka Burnin' Love" into an Amanita Muscaria-shaped marizipan microphone.

Don't be surprised. Just run like hell.