In honor of my Scottish heritage (that's my tartan above -- Clan MacFarlane) I'd like to present two of my favorite Scottish jokes.A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,
'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?'
She stops her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and replies,
'Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!'
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are sitting at a bar with a pint of beer in front of them. The Englishman notices there is a fly in his beer and asks the bartender for a new one.
The Irishman, fishes the fly out, tosses it over his shoulder and keeps on drinking.
The thrifty Scotsman picks the fly up by it's wings and shaking it over the glass, growls "G'wan ye wee devil. Spit it oot!"
--Remember, if you can't laugh at yourself, you have to laugh at someone else.
A young cow-poke walks into a bar and asks for a glass of milk. Bartender just stares at him and the other cowboys stop to watch. The youngster says "how 'bout a sasparilla?" Bartender continues to stare and thee cowboys lean closer to see whats going to happen. The yungin' askes, "is this one of those really tough bars?" and the barkeep shakes his head yes. "Then I'd like a tall glass of warm Gin served with a human hair in it."
ReplyDelete"Comin' right up!" the bartender says.
Oder that next time you're in a pub and see what happens.