My Manifesto

I wrote this a few years ago when I was doing online dating (which is, incidentally, where I met my darling Allison.) It was in response to women who said they just "like to have fun" or they "liked to listen to 'good' music."

I HATE the following:
1. Fun.
2. 'Good' music.
3. Chillin' with my so-called ‘home-boys.’
4. Sunsets
5. Long walks on the beach.
6. Short walks on the beach.
7. Walks.
8. The beach.
9. Walking in sand.
10. Running in sand.
11. Sand.
12. Sandpaper
13. Girls named Sandy.
14. Pecan Sandies.
15. Sandwiches.
16. Sandals.
17. Sandalwood incense.
18. Santana.
19. Santa Claus.
20. Cats claws.
21. Subordinate clause.
22. Holding hands.
23. Clenching fists.
24. Fighting the good fight.
25. Fighting the bad fight.
26. Getting my ass kicked in a fight.
27. Fighting Texas Aggies.
28. Fi'in to fight.
29. Women who love too much.
30. Women who love too little.
31. Women who love to be little.
32. Women who love to belittle.
33. Men in general.
34. Teenagers on principle.
35. Peeps that be hatin' on me.
36. Cats who love dogs.
37. Dogs who are oh, so smug. (Though, oddly, not smug pugs.)
38. Dogs in cars.
39. Dogs in bars.
40. Dogma.
41. Greyhound busses.
42. Greyline busses.
43. Busted busses.
44. Busted flat in Baton Rouge.
45. Headed for the train.
46. Feelin’ near as faded as my jeans.
47. My genes.
48. Mutated genes.
49. Vanilla Coke.
50. Chocolate Pepsi.
51. Mariah Carey.
52. Tippi Hedron.
53. Stream of consciousness (Un-less it’s about me.)