Vance Deniston: War Hero

Here's a shot of Vance after returning from "The War." (which war, we are still unsure.) Like Cotton Hill, Vance had his shins blowed off but trooper that he is, he carried on his brave struggle, waiting for the day they would grow back.Eventually, it was discovered that his shins had NOT been blown off, but that he was, in fact, drunk and kneeling in his shoes. Once he sobered up, he was able to pull himself into an upright position (See post on cornhusker sightings RE: Walking upright.)

Exposed as a fool and a fraud, Vance was missing the media spotlight. Eager to be interviewed by Katie Couric again, Vance stowed away in a weather balloon. The trick turned sour when the balloon drifted over the White House and was blown out of the sky with a Mossberg 590 pump-action riot shotgun, with 20-inch barrel wielded by an ever alert Vice-President Dick "Dick" Cheney.

All seemed lost, but as luck would have it, Vance parachuted down an abandoned well and, while international media attention was on him, he was once again iterviewed by Katie.

Then Lassie rescued him.

The End.