The Moonpie Chronicles: Can you hear me now?

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Can you hear me now?

Vance, being so upset with the lousey service of Nextel in the Nations Capitol, he went to his garage and developed his new "Super 200 mile Hearing device".

"I'm so pissed that Nextel won't work half the time that I simply had to take matters into my own hands. I'm pleased with the results". With a little fine tuning, the device was put into action today on a trial run. "I went to Ocean City, Maryland and Janet yelled, "It's time to come home now." They worked great." Plans to mass produce this little gem are in the works and they should be available in January 2010. Praise be to God.

4 comments:

AnonymousJanuary 1, 2010 at 3:48 PM
Pure bloody genius, Vance. I think I could use a pair of these suckers.
ReplyDelete
Replies
VanceJanuary 2, 2010 at 6:24 AM
I've started taking orders, I think 2010 is my year.
ReplyDelete
Replies
AnonymousJanuary 2, 2010 at 9:49 AM
Of course, for me, it's not about cellphone issues, but because I'm half deaf.
ReplyDelete
Replies
VanceJanuary 2, 2010 at 1:12 PM
What?.....
ReplyDelete
Replies

Add comment

Spam and rudeness will not be tolerated. We're here to have a few grins, and if you can't abide, move along. Did I mention Spam? Because if I didn't, here it is. NO SPAM!! That includes saying you like our blog and it's thought-provoking (which we know is a lie) and here's a link to your blog. Basically, if you link post a link to a for-profit site without the express written consent of me or the Big Vance-a-rino, I'll delete your comment and you'll look like an ass or I'll mock you mercilesly for being a dork.
~Peace & Love,
Rick

Standard Disclaimer

Due to complaints received from a certain Ms. Bunny Boiler, our staff attorney has requested we institute the following Disclaimer.

The Moonpie Chronicles Online is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage (they may not deliver with postage). List was current at time of printing. NOTE: that was at time of printing, beats me now. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform; that's all you, man. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. Penalty for public use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Seriously. Substantial. Do not write below this line. Only I'm allowed to do that. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Make checks payable to Yreep Nosemaj. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin, unless for private use and then, hey, however you get your kicks, man. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Sign here with admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. Otherwise expect two-three lifetimes. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame; otherwise your inability to attend this event is only on you! Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more for both private and public use if desired. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Not recommended for adults. Not recommended for seniors. Prerecorded for this time zone, or the next. Reproduction strictly prohibited, again, unless in private use. No solicitors. No alcohol (unless it is Bailey's and well disguised in your coffee), dogs, or horses. OK, maybe horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified and you can produce a permit. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash, but may have large quantities of illegal...well, never mind. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judge is final.This supersedes all previous notices and no future notices until such further notice.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Can you hear me now?

4 comments:

Standard Disclaimer

Visitors

Search This Blog